My Anniversary

It’s been a year now since my departure from Panama, the country I had relocated to nearly 4 years ago. I left under what I can only describe as horrendous emotionality, soul and spirit destroying emotionality. I won’t go in to detail but what I will say was that the prequel and the sequel to leaving was truly both life threatening and life changing.

Since leaving and returning to the UK and Europe I have felt a little like Dr Who, travelling both back in time and in seeing options for futures. I have continued to travel spending months in Moscow, weeks in St Petersburg (Russia), weeks in Munich (Germany), days in Karlsplatz (Switzerland), weeks in and around Milan (Italy), weeks in Kuala Lumpur (Malaysia) and months in Porto (Portugal). For me, lifes’ living experience is awesome IF, you can look and see and sense and feel both yourself and everything around you.

This last year has revealed so much of life to me and has taught me so very much. It has also shown me and demonstrated again the ability of disloyalty, the desertion and cruelty of human beings towards one another even under the false guise of ‘supposed’ relationships, ‘deceitful’ demonstrations of care or of loving statements and sentiments. All these things can and most certainly do generate VERY strong emotions and serious effects.

Of course we all know the titles and names of our own emotions and we know what many of them feel like; anxieties, worries, fears, joys, love, excitement. But what I have ‘re-discovered’ is that we are all as ‘icebergs’ only seeing and sensing and interacting with the very tips of the who and what we are and importantly, how we are feeling at any given moment.

It was only through the epiphanies I experienced during the last year that I now realise ‘the’ who and what I had become. Of course, like anyone else, I knew that I had mood swings, could be irritable, enjoyed joy and laughter. I celebrated my positive senses, became emotional with and through music, films, stories, reading and writing and from the gushing of emotions from time to time from deep within but … Although I knew, there was little I was doing on a conscious level to actually and truly manage myself. None of us truly appreciate the who and what we are, not only of and to ourselves but also to those others around us, and especially those nearest and very dearest. I am not perfect, far, far from it, no one is, but I am now better able to manage myself, to recognise and monitor, to assess more accurately, to have mindfulness of me, to be able to change and present a better person.

There is a saying isn’t there, ‘forgive and forget?’ Well, I forgive all those who wronged or hurt me and ask everyone I ever hurt or wronged to forgive me, truly. But I know now that forgetfulness is impossible. But we can move on with our lives, to progress and grow through and out of experiences. I also know that even though I forgive people, I will never forget the severity of pains generated in me, which are still lurking behind those closed doors. When I allow the doors to open, even just a fraction, the pain surges back again like some dreadful tsunami within me and just as acutely and I have to quickly close the door and lock it again. I am sure others will recognise and empathise with this. And so, although I forgive those who hurt me, I will never forget or allow them back in and have moved on in life all the better for the experience, for now I can truly empathise in those contexts.

Our emotions are the ‘who and what’ we are and they can dictate how we present ourselves to the external world; to other people, to our environment and to other living things. Our emotions dictate the smoothness or otherwise in and of our relationships with and towards the external world. Our emotions dictate our life-cycles and lifestyles.

We all have choices and we all have to stand by our life choices every single day. Many may say that they don’t have choices, because they have financial commitments to living, to work, to families, etc, but when dismantled, the reasoning can be evidenced that everything flows back to ‘a’ choice. Even those who are burdened with responsibilities now, have choices. They chose in the first place their life direction and they choose to this day, to this moment, to continue. Choices.

We really do need to see, to recognise, to identify our emotions, to be ‘mindful’ at all times of our emotions and to manage them to best serve us. As living managers or our own lives, our emotions need managing but crucially, those emotions of others of and with whom we interact need managing.

Emotional intelligence teaches us empathy, communication, relationships and introspection and social/personal skills. It also provides our intuition with the tools with which to observe.

My Anniversary hmmm?

I have been reborn in to a new life through all the emotionally, the physically and the spiritually destructive events that have happened to me. I seek not sympathy, nor assistance. I seek not understanding, for how can anyone understand fully and truly how another person feels, thinks and reacts. We are all unique; but we all need to become authentic.

Write to me and let me know your story.

Written by; Michael Boase, EQ Consultant

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