Here I am … now

Well, … as I sit here, breathing, thinking
I can appreciate and accept my situation
My life has been written on the fabric of time and within the folds of time
For there have been so many life journeys that I have undertaken
And yet so much more even, than in this singularity that we call life
Oh yes, I do know that my souls existence is infinite, eternal and
Stretches back through light and time and dimensions


I am the result of millions of choices
Of so many countless decisions taken along life’s path
And I know that in this ‘now’, I am okay, I am good
I have at times been very, very good
But I also know and accept that I have been bad
And oh yes, I further admit, that sometimes, I have been very, very bad
But now accept that collectively they all form the result, which is ‘me’


When I sit watching thriller dramas on TV
I often recognise onscreen elements of who and what I am and even perhaps what I was
The words, actions, reactions and deeds that are shown and spoken
Each element a part of a composite, snatched from my inner being
The emotions, the words, the actions that are drawn from my personal memories
Of my experiences, of my heat, of cold, of love and of hate
All poured in to the mixing bowl that results in ‘me’


Relationships … family, friends, loved ones and yes, even those disliked or enemies
Each door entered during different phases throughout my life
Each one given the very all of who I am, who I was
The good, the bad and the ugly
Where each required of me, each taking the very essence of whom I was then
Each taking what ‘it’ needed, but hardly ever giving to me in return
Leaving me drained and oftentimes unfulfilled


My life and choices have taken me the world over
Where friendships were formed and memories stored
Such awesomeness imprinted upon my mind, my spirit and my soul
I am convinced ‘now’ that I am the richest human being in the Universe
But yet, now, within this moment, I am so bereft of material things, of valued things
My store of the gathered and collected wealth and items now diminished, vanished even
And so I am down, seemingly now, to the bare dry bones that clink, clunk and clack


In the past I have swept people off their feet
Discovered and showered them with what they wanted and needed
My life being drained of my light, of my energies, of my spark
Until … ultimately, all alone but still living, moving now, on my reserve tank which is so depleted
So all I can do is to seek some replenishment of ‘me’, of and in my wants and needs
Struggling for my own fulfillment yet in such a mindful way, a caring way, an unselfish way
To enable me to perhaps, yes just perhaps, for ‘me’ to flourish, again


I am and was never selfish
But I do now have concerns of and for ‘me’
Where and when will another sweep me off my feet
To be cared for, tended and provided with those things that I want and need
To enable how to reconcile myself in my life, in the ‘now’
To shine as before … as a beacon once more
To be filled to overflowing, enabling the ‘me’ to give once more


Michael Boase ~ © 2011


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