For instance, predominant talk on TV today is that of the “poverty line” and what defines someone living on and/or under poverty conditions?  hahaha, yea … right.   I challenge anyone to seriously consider this situation, to seriously consider how their lives would have to change IF their own circumstances were such that they were living on/under the poverty line.  I suppose I’m just feeling fragile at the moment.
Let me give you a for instance.  I wanted to change my mobile phone provider but, during the initial process, something happened and the credit check didn’t go through.  What a farce ensued, seeing as I am already (and still am) an existing customer taking a landline phone, television and broadband Internet from this same Provider.  So, being told that a credit check had failed feels bad enough but, when you know you are “debt and indebtedness free”, it really does irk, it sticks in the craw.  I have no loans, mortgages, overdrafts, credit cards, company or shop/store cards, nothing, and haven’t had for about 10 years.  Oh I know, I have heard people say that even having no credit lines open can cause problems and that certainly seems to be the case here.  But isn’t it pathetic?  Well, I think so.

Anyway, after being told this I felt I had to complain.  I explained on the phone of my being an existing customer of this (same) company for their other extensive services but, the customer service woman, who was thousands of miles away, (in India I think), and finding it difficult to make herself understood or indeed, in understanding me, couldn’t grasp my point.  I suppose thinking about it now doesn’t she have to listen to similar ‘carping’ all the time these days in the job she does?  Anyway, she seemed a little sympathetic but on the whole, she was totally disinterested and advised me to go to my Bank and enquire there.  So, I went to the Bank and was told by them that as far as they are concerned, there are definitely no issues.  As I said before, I have no debts, I pay my way with a debit card, I owe nothing to anyone or anything so … the Bank said the only thing that could affect a credit check like this is that if I gave my current home address which is different to where my Bank Account is registered (at my last address) … I keep this mainly because I have been doing so much travelling … then this may cause problems.

People just don’t know, realise or appreciate what these little irritating things do to people.  They don’t know or understand the what or how of stress generating situations and the complications of life.

I had had to walk about 2 miles to the Bank and 2 miles back, and at every step I was angry or sad or concerned or worried or at the very least, unsettled.  But this happens to all sorts of people all the time.

Stress … self-hijacking … self-ambushing … self-defeating … whatever you want to call it, is occurring more and more to people because of ‘current situations and conditions’.  It’s becoming a common state of being for so very many people.  And then we wonder why we are constantly hearing reports in the News of increased illnesses, increased absenteeism from work, increasing costs for rents, utilities, foods, petrol and how people can’t even afford to live … stress, stress, stress.

Anyway, back to my situation.  When I got home I felt I had to write an email to a Credit reference Agency called Experian asking for an explanation.  I still await their response.  In the meantime, realising what was going on within me, what was building up, what was happening to my peace and tranquility (what little I have) I had to sit down and meditate.  I had to slow down, to focus, to breathe and to feel and sense, sense all that was going on within me.  Only then could I expel a lot of the stresses, the tensions that were building up within me.

EQ emotional intelligence is all about awareness of the self and in strategies for dealing with our emotions, be they negative or positive.  Meditation is a great stress reliever.  Together, they are so beneficial.
Life and living today is such a trial, such a test; so many little, small, tiny irritations affecting all aspects of our lives, building, amalgamating, clogging and affecting us in such negative adverse ways.

Anyway, the upshot is … my credit report contains no negative issues (as I already knew) of worth to me other than I am apparently being penalised for not having debt.  Strange isn’t it, that in the present financial crisis you are even penalised when applying for something as simple as a low cost mobile phone contract because you have no debt?
Sorry for being down, it’ll pass.  In the meantime … ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmm breathe, breathe, breathe.

The below is a response from a dear friend of mine who I had related all of the above to.  See what you think.

Hi,

Got another letter from the ‘email postmaster’ first thing this morning, telling me not to do anything but my email message had been delayed but would still be delivered!  It makes a change from the ‘it was too long’ version.  But I started to think about that and also the delay the ‘email postmaster’ had in letting me know and was reminded of your upsetting walk to the bank.  And you know, you are so damn right, it is the little things that finally can cause the empire to fall.

My supportive email to you was just a couple of sentences.  You may have already received it, but its speed of delivery to you was what would have given it it’s power, it’s importance of it’s message; such as, ‘always look on the bright side of life ……’ and letting you know I was still there, listening, supporting and communicating.  Of course the importance of ‘small’ things is the ‘big’ impact they have on an individual at a particular time.  In the moment they can be life changing, life threatening even … but in retrospect they do tend to lose their power. That is the positive side of the crap ‘little’ things: over time they lose their initial power.

But yesterday, I had a positive ‘little’ thing happen to me that I want to share with you.

I was on my way to the swimming pool and saw the postman and so pulled over to see if he had any mail for me; it would save him the drive up to the house.  He handed me a few letters and a small wedge shaped parcel.  I told him I was expecting a parcel, but not the shape of parcel he had given to me as I was expecting a book; we both agreed it wasn’t book shaped.

I set off again but kept glancing over to the parcel noting it’s packing and writing etc.  Well I couldn’t help myself and pulled over in a lay-by to open it.  I thought it must be a huge wedge of cheese or something.  So, carefully not to damage the packaging, I opened it and inside was a packet of Monsoon Malabar ground coffee.  I shook the packaging for a letter or something, well anything, to let me know who had sent it.  Nothing.

I had to look again (typical of me that, if something’s not there the first time I go to look again, just in case it reformed and reappeared).  So, I continued on my journey, had my swim, came home and all the time was wondering about the coffee.

I had decided it wasn’t a freebie from manufacturer (too expensive).  So my only clue was in the packaging.  It was addressed correctly (and that’s unusual, as we get all sorts of weird variations).  It was also hand written, capitalised and with first class stamps.  The sender was lucky in that it hadn’t been franked so no give away there.  But I realised firstly, the sender probably knew me well as I never refer to myself in the way the parcel was addressed, the address and postcode were 100% correct and also, good coffee is one of my great pleasures. So I got it down to one of my children.  Must be one that isn’t local and so it wouldn’t be (—), not because he doesn’t care but because he wouldn’t think.  It could be (—–) but she would do something hidden if she thought I was in need.  So it must be (——).  So three hours after receiving the package I phoned her.

She laughed and reminded me of something she used to do when she lived with me.  She would spend some of her time making biscuits or small cakes, maybe homemade jam, gathering fruit from the orchard or blackberries from the hedges.  She would pack them up securely and then leave them on the doorsteps of people she thought had helped us over the years.  She always did this without being seen, as she wanted it to be an anonymous gift.  It could be to the farmer who brought his digger to dig us out from snow drifts when we lived higher up the fell, the lady who brought us bread when we were snowbound, another farmer who delivered a load of wood when he knew how hard times were for me, the ladies who my children knew they could go to if they needed help and when I wasn’t back from work.  I had misplaced that memory.

Apparently she has continued to do these random acts of kindness, still anonymously.

No doubt many others are like her, but it gives me a warm feeling to know that for as many little things that can tip us over the edge there are also people actively doing their own little things to raise us back up again.

Michael Boase

CEO and EQ Consultant

As we live our lives, manage our relationships, work at work or play our chosen professional sport, we are constantly being watched, listened to; we ‘are’ being observed by others.  This ‘observation’ is made through all manner of ways and means and through myriad eyes generating subjective and objective opinions and can differ in as many ways as there are individuals making them.

Take sports-people (men and women) as an example.  In a crowd of 100,000 people watching a sporting match there will be 100,000 differing opinions; everyone using different parameters and preferences and even prejudices, that will draw them to their own conclusions.

“Would you mind if I gave you some feedback?” … and this can be through a variety of means and measures; newspapers, critical reviews, TV interviews and analysis, your spouse, friend or even your Manager/Team Leader at work.  How does/would this simple statement makes you feel?  Because what this actually means is “Would you mind if I gave you some negative feedback, wrapped in the guise of constructive criticism, whether you want it or not?”

I say this is negative because, the precursor is never used when praising someone.

The problem with any critique, good or bad, is that it challenges our sense of self and of our inner beliefs and values.  Criticism, by its very nature, implies a judgment (by someone else) making us all recoil from those feelings and emotions of being judged.

Daniel Goleman, the Best Selling Author of EQ Emotional Intelligence, has in the past noted that threats to our self-esteem in the eyes of others, is so potent, that the threats can literally feel like threats to our very survival and can affect us to our very core.  This dramatic reduction of self esteem feeds our negative emotional thoughts and responses and can remain as a predator stalking its prey for a long time after the critique.  In short, ‘we take it to heart’ and in very many cases, we cast our own (true or false) interpretation on the critique and see the ‘monsters’ in our own minds in which we give life and reason.

The problem is that feedback is necessary.  It is the primary means by which we learn, develop, progress and grow.   So how can we, should we, deliver it in the best and most productive way in that it will provide the greatest value AND motivation to us (as individuals) ~ in order that the recipient truly understands, recognises, appreciates, absorbs and acts upon it?

We believe there are key behaviours which are each founded in the recognition that what we say is often less important than how we say it.

The first mistake which is often made is when we give feedback when we are feeling that our own value is at risk.  This is a recipe for disaster, but it happens far more commonly than we think, or are aware.

If a Manager say, is feeling threatened, tired, under pressure or even diminished by another person’s perceived shortcomings, providing “constructive criticism” will usually become secondary to getting the critique targeted and apposite?  The Manager is far more likely to be reactive, insensitive and even potentially hurtful.

If it is about us (the tired under pressure Manager), it can’t be truly about them.  Any time we provide feedback with the goal of getting someone to better meet our needs, rather than being responsive to theirs, it’s unlikely to prompt the desired outcome.

A classic example is the parent who confuses his own worth with his child’s performance, and reacts to the child’s mishaps or mistakes with harshness and judgment rather than sensitivity and compassion.

The second mistake we make in giving feedback is failing to recognise and accept the other person’s value in the process.  Even the most well-intentioned criticism will, more often than not, prompt us to feel our value is at risk, and under attack.

When this happens, the primal natural impulse is to defend ourself.  EQ emotional intelligence is crucially required in these circumstances but so very often is not practiced in these circumstances; neither from the Managers perspective nor from the person being critiqued.  The more the person you are criticizing feels compelled to defend their value, the less capable they become of absorbing what they are hearing.

I once had a trainee, a student, who was very competent and detail-driven, and rarely made mistakes. Partly this grew out of her innate perfectionism and her outsized fear of the consequences of being wrong.

Her automatic instinct was to deny responsibility for any mistake. Her natural habit was to blame others, the system, the process, the process, anything but … admitting she had erred.  So, when I felt the need to bring a mistake to her attention, I learned that it was crucial to begin by reassuring her, that I cared about her progress and her development, and that I had continuing confidence in her abilities; only then could she truly recognise and accept what I was saying and why.

So … When we are tasked to offer specific feedback we should always try to pause and ask our self first, how would we feel if someone gave us this feedback? If you would feel uncomfortable or defensive, then you can naturally assume that anyone else would too.

The third mistake we make, is to assume that we are right about whatever it is we are inclined to say.   It’s a natural phenomenon that we take a series of facts and then weave them together into a story that supports and justifies the case we’re seeking to make.  The problem is that our resultant stories aren’t necessarily always true.  They are simply one interpretation of the facts as we see them.

Don’t you think it makes much more sense to think about offering feedback in a spirit of humble exploration, rather than a stark and bare declaration?  That dialogue is preferable rather than our own monologue, where curiosity rather than certainty should be the call?

Humility … is in the recognition that we don’t know, even when we think we know.   We must always seek ‘the thing’ out before we discover.

Ultimately, I think, we would be far better off eliminating these bling concepts like “feedback” and “constructive criticism” from our vocabulary altogether. They are so polarizing, so causal of bias, mistrust and most certainly can be so destructive.  We need to think of these interchanges instead as opportunities for honest inquiry and genuine learning.

“Here’s the story I’m telling myself about what just happened,” we might say.

“Have I got that right, or am I missing something?”

That’s exactly what I intend to say the next time I’m inclined to ask someone, “Would you mind if I gave you some feedback?”

Please, stop thinking of ‘feedback’ as a chore, a ‘business process’, a Managers ‘duty or task’, a Teachers method of assessment.  Start to treat these opportunities for being just that, opportunities, in which we ‘all’ learn and discover.

Michael Boase

EQ Consultant and CEO

© 2011

Since 1997/98 Lambda Mi has been active within the personal development field researching and conducting Workshops, Seminars and providing accredited Distance Learning through an accreditation Awarding Body (ASET) in such subjects as EQ Emotional Intelligence, Meditation, Change Management, Leadership, Co-action Coaching, etc.

Having recently been somnambulant, the members of Lambda Mi are again seeking to join with other individuals and companies who have experience and expertise in related fields.  To this end Lambda Mi has been active in networking circles and re-establishing links and contacts to develop a database of interested parties.

Further, Lambda Mi is also seeking to establish an extended and multi-sectioned database of interested apposite individuals who are willing to be trained or educated to provide and conduct education as an own business model under the auspices of a Lambda Mi umbrella.  These individuals will be drawn from relevant areas such as Uniformed Services (Police, Prison, Fire, Ambulance, Rescue Services), Armed Services, Teaching, Health and Care Sectors, Tourism and Leisure, Financial, Retail, Business and Management, Human Resources, Charity and Voluntary Sectors, etc.

There are many ways to recruit for the databases; through networking, Blogging, article authoring and submissions (to specific publications such as Police (internal) Newspapers, Sector specific publications, etc), classified adverts, utilising existing contacts and in making contacts upon contacts, etc.  Much work has already been conducted and the database is being developed.

Initial Development Phase

• The initial aims is to build the multi-structural database and then induct members to the Business model, train and educate the database members to be ready for any/all learning leadership towards their audiences.

• To review the accreditation processes and various options.

• To research and develop potential partners.

• To review, research and develop the learning programmes.

• To review and collate articles and Blogs for loop-repeating submissions.

• To review and list submission facilities such as magazines, trade journals, blogs, etc.

• To recruit potential members for the multi-structural database.

• To research and investigate accreditation badging to enable easy and recognisable acceptance of different learning programmes by end users.

• Review learner flow and administration documentation.

Secondary Development Phase

• Enlist Train the Trainers

• Identify venues for training purposes

• Review Train the Trainer programmes and Trainers

• Review programme documentation

Business Development Phase

• Recruit paying Licence Holders; both Individual and Corporate/Company

• • Conduct limited marketing on behalf of Licence Holders

• • Provide ‘Own Business’ documentation for Licence Holders

If you, your company or your relevant audience targets are interested in either becoming Provision Members or Educational/Experiential Recipients then please, contact us straight away.

Thank you

Michael Boase

CEO & EQ Consultant

Stress, as everyone should know, is a major, major cause of illness and also subsequently in its effects in damaging relationships.  But what a lot of people don’t know or appreciate is that stress is the main cause of ‘longer-term’ sickness and subsequently absenteeism from work.  In fact, it’s become, for the very first time, ‘the’ main cause for long-term sickness and absenteeism in the whole of British (and European) Industry.

The present (and worsening) economic crisis is creating, and will continue to generate, such grave uncertainty in people, that when linked with staff who lack job/employment security, and coupled with possibly mental health issues, just further exacerbates the problems.

A recent published survey shows that more than half of employers who are planning for redundancies have seen a rise in mental health issues compared with about a third of those who aren’t anticipating such lay-offs.   Incidences of stress related illnesses have risen more during these days of post crisis austerity measures, and especially within the public sector, according to a report published recently by the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development.

Half of all public sector employers have seen an increase in staff stress levels and a lowering of morale with failing job security being a major cause in at least a quarter of those cases, compared with around a sixth in the private sector.  The findings also show ‘the heightened pressures many people feel under in the workplace that is a direct result of the prolonged economic downturn’, says the CIPD.   Managers increasingly need to regain the trust of their employees and are then required to communicate more effectively, clearly and efficiently through these periods of upheavals.  These same Managers also need to be able to spot the early signs of people being under excessive pressure or of having difficulty in coping at work and then being able to provide appropriate help, advice and support.  It’s encouraging (in a way) that almost half of employers questioned, have a “staff wellbeing” strategy in place with 73% offering some sort of counseling service and a further 69% providing an “employee assistance programme”.

Absence levels are the lowest in the manufacturing sector, at fewer than six days per worker per year according to reports.

Additional to all of this is the experience of the reality of the writer of this article.

Members of the Armed and Uniformed Services are facing very uncertain times indeed for the first time in their history.

All those who are NOT members of any of the Armed and Uniformed Service probably won’t quite understand this but, as a simple statement, when you are in the Service (employed) you are, in effect, a member of ‘the family’.

The environment of these occupations is one of being in a cocooned family environment, it’s a safe haven, it’s the ‘known’ way of life and everyone around you are also members of that same ‘family sense’ feeling.

But when all of this is threatened or taken away, the stress levels of uncertainty are simply huge and complex.  It’s true that some counseling does take place, that some short training programmes are provided but … is it sufficient or fit for purpose?  We think not.

EQ emotional intelligence is a boon in all of these areas; for the public sector workers, the private sector workers, and the Armed and Uniformed Service personnel.  EQ is appropriate for both everyone who is safe and secure in work, but also, crucially, for all those facing that uncertain step in to the ‘unemployed’ reality world.

Awareness and appreciation of our emotions, how they affect us in so many ways, how effective our communication skills are, and how we manage our environment containing family and friends at any given moment in time, is vital.

We really do need to have our EQ skills honed and awareness of our emotional responses to the forefront in order to better cope and manage ourselves when these worst fears materialise ~ being made redundant (what a horrible word and feeling).

EQ emotional awareness is more crucial now than at any time in the past.  Employers NEED to be aware of this and to take account positively and proactively to best serve and protect employees and especially those who are in danger of losing their jobs.

Contact us anytime for advice, guidance or support when considering this crucial resource.

Written by Michael Boase

CEO Consultant

The HBR is usually very well based in research terms and which provides for robust, pertinent, and always helpful reports.  There is now a consistent theme around the world that EQ emotional intelligence is one of the most essential attributes when promoting (or denying) your effectiveness in the work place.

Their recent research points to the important role of what they call ‘group emotional intelligence’ in meeting organisational goals and objectives.  Given the amount of emphasis in most organisations on collaboration and team-work this is not surprising.  Obviously, if people working in a team have high levels of self-awareness and ‘other’ awareness (being able to understand and use strategies to work with the personal styles of team members) then the team will have greater harmony and increase productivity.

But in this article I’m referring to I’m not going to relate and talk about group intelligence.  No, instead, I want to give you some useful tips to help you to reduce workplace stress based on the components of emotional intelligence.

But first let me refresh your knowledge (if you have any) of what constitutes emotional intelligence.

One definition of emotional intelligence may be:  ”Emotional intelligence pertains to the emotional, personal, and social dimensions of intelligence. Emotional intelligence comprises abilities related to an understanding of oneself and in others, relating to people, adapting to changing environmental demands, and managing emotions”.

Let us make this a bit more practical by describing the scales used:

Intrapersonal ~ (Self-Regard, Emotional Self Awareness, Assertiveness, Independence, and Self-Actualisation);

Interpersonal ~ (Empathy, Social Responsibility, Interpersonal Relationship); Adaptability ~ (Reality Testing, Flexibility, Problem Solving);

Stress Management ~ (Stress Tolerance, Impulse Control); and

General Mood ~ (Optimism, Happiness).

Yes, we know, this could get quite detailed and complex and we could probably write dozens of articles just on these elements of the scales.  So, we will select four of the emotional intelligence factors and describe how paying attention to these at work will reduce workplace stress and increase positive teamwork and collaboration.

The four factors that we’ll select are social responsibility, interpersonal relationships, stress tolerance, and impulse control.

Social Responsibility

At work, as in relationships, you will always have certain choices that you can make.

You can act like a mature, thoughtful, empathic, and responsible person or you can indulge what ‘Freud’ called in his personality theory the “id”.  This is a nasty little piece of work of who we can be and which was described by Freud as blind, instinctual, irrationally striving.

If you give in to your ‘id’ responses, you will show very little social responsibility and you will become an aggravating and difficult colleague.  Being prepared to give and take, to understand the other person’s point of view, to maintain perspective, keep the larger view at the forefront, and be generous in your relationships with others, will increase harmony and decrease workplace stress for you and your colleagues.

Interpersonal Relationships

It’s not unrealistic to say that there two types of people in this world ~ the givers and the takers.

When I’m involved in relationship counselling I always do a quick assessment to test which end of the spectrum is the chief personal style of the person.  This can be easily assessed through normal conversation; questions, answers and physical reactions.

Obviously, if you have a “taker” with little or no compromise you will have a relationship battleground where they are used to slugging away to get as much they can from whatever the situation is.

If you have a giver then you will find a person whose life opportunities are sacrificed to the selfish interests of others.

Within relationships, when you have two givers, you’ll probably have a comfortable, generous, caring, reciprocal sharing relationship – and you will know you are on to a winner.   Two takers and there will always be present some form of inner-being disharmony and tension.

In many ways, you can see the same systems operating in the workplace with some people fighting tooth and nail to win at every opportunity.

Developing collaborative teams requires people to be sensitive and committed to building positive, respectful, sharing relationships.

When these relationships are the dominant interpersonal characteristics of work teams everyone’s workplace stress is reduced.

Stress Tolerance

Everyone has a different capacity to deal with stress and anxiety.  Some people have, as they say, a short fuse and are unable to tolerate even the smallest amount of stress.  This is a pain and provides such misery to everyone around them who have to put up with their limited capacity to manage stress.  We can however, improve our capacity to deal proactively and effectively with stress; we can increase our stress tolerance mechanisms.  This requires us to be mature and thoughtful and not indulge ourselves in juvenile expressions of frustration and impatience.

Impulse Control

Unfortunately, there are commonly too many people in the workplace who show a reckless disregard for even a small amount of impulse control.  They seem to believe that they have an incontestable right to vent their emotional eruptions whenever they feel like it and without regard to others.  The converse of this is the responsible person who doesn’t elevate other people’s stress levels but carefully and effectively deals with the pressures and stress that they are experiencing.

This is probably a little too technical and I have certainly glossed over some of the complexities of each of these personal styles but these are complex matters.  I could have given a simple tip checklist to reduce workplace stress based on emotional intelligence but this wouldn’t be fair to either the interested reader of this fascinating area of personality and cognitive theory.

Our message then is fairly simple – if you want to manage personal stress and reduce workplace stress you have a responsibility to behave in a mature, emotionally intelligent way.

Of course we know the response most people would make – “I’m not the problem, it’s my colleague who has very low emotional intelligence and creates all the stress in this organisation”.

Well, let’s begin as they say – “physician heal thyself”.

Then, after ensuring that you are OK, work to develop behaviours that reflect emotionally intelligent groups.

We agree with the Harvard Research that highly skilled work teams do reflect high group emotional intelligence and are much more productive. We are also certain that people who are lucky enough be working in groups with high emotional intelligence and strong interpersonal responsibility have much lower personal stress levels and cope much more effectively with workplace stress.

Michael Boase

CEO & EQ Consultant

You should therefore be proactive in counterattacking stress through EQ emotional awareness and wisdom and seek extra motivation to positively combat the manifestations of stress.
Enforcing constructive Emotions.

Now that you have an idea of the impending damage brought about by the presence of destructive emotions within your living environment, it is vital to transform them into something far more affirmative.  You need to be aware of the unconstructive nature of some emotion and convert them in to constructive emotions so that an improvement in your life is the result of your healthiness and social relationships.
You can help this transformation by promoting upbeat healthful emotions.  While destructive emotions put you at hazard of incurring injurious un-healthiness conditions, promoting positivity can boost the supply of DHEA or anti-aging hormone inside your body.  So, if you are experiencing distress from a discouraging or damaging emotion, or feeling the euphoria of positive emotions, they will imprint their own corresponding effect on your physiological and emotional state.
Enhancing Emotional aptitude Skills.
Although the advantages of enhancing emotional aptitude inside stress management has been (globally) established, truly achieving this is a unusual matter altogether.  It is certainly challenging with the constant assault of stressors inside one’s everyday life.  Here are several techniques to help you boost emotional aptitude:
• Take a moment of time to determine interactive awareness of your body parts every day of the week.  This would help to start an added awareness on the subject of what you are truthfully feeling inside yourself at any given moment.
• Arrange a moment to reflect.  You can develop effective emotional intellect with constant practice through contemplation.
• Adapt and adopt a healthy diet and lifestyle. As soon as you are physically healthy, it will become easier to deal with your emotions.
• Start a journal.  This is a wonderful method for exploring your emotional states and to examine and to comprehend patterns within your life through which you will be able to assert extra control on how you feel and react.
Make certain you practice the above techniques often that will help to boost your emotional astuteness skills and attain a successful stress management knack.

Michael Boase

CEO & EQ Consultant

Cancer and Cardiovascular Disease
H. Eysenck (British Journal of Medical Psychology, 1998. found that smoking was less of a factor in predicting death from cancer and cardiovascular disease than emotional stress. People unable to handle stress experienced a 40% higher death rate than those more capable of managing stress.
Risk of Heart Disease
A 10-year study (Don’t Worry, Be Happy: Positive Affect and Reduced 10-year Incident Coronary Heart Disease: The Canadian Nova Scotia Health Survey, European Heart Journal 2010 31(9), as reported on Bloomberg.com July 15, 2010) indicated that a 22% lower risk of heart disease was related to higher levels of positive emotions (positive affect).  The researchers concluded that, while further study was required, increased positive feelings and reduced depression might be indicated as a preventative factor for heart disease.

Alzheimer’s Disease
Dr. D. Snowdon (University of Kentucky’s Sanders-Brown Center on Aging, as reported in Time, “The Nun Study,” May 14, 2001) found that of 200 nuns, those who indicated the most positive emotions in their short autobiographies upon taking their holy orders lived the longest. Those experiencing Alzheimer’s in later years had fewer indications of positive emotions as the disease progressed.
Memory Loss

The American Academy of Neurology (Distress-prone People More Likely to Develop Memory Problems, as reported in Science Daily, June 12, 2007) reported that people prone to memory problems are more likely to experience negative emotions and stress. Mild cognitive impairment was 40% more likely to appear in people who experienced negative emotions.

Diabetes

In a study (McCraty, Atkinson, and Conforti, Proceedings of the Society of Behavioural Medicine 20th Annual Scientific Sessions, San Diego, CA 1999), diabetics who used the HeartMath emotional management techniques were able to reduce their HbA1 levels.  The risk of complications such as kidney disease, nerve damage and blindness has been shown to be reduced in individuals who are able to maintain levels at 7% or less.
Positive Words and Caring
95% of male University students who did not characterise their parents positively (loving, open, etc.) and indicated that they were not caring, experienced diseases in midlife.  This 35-year study (Journal of Behavioural Medicine, 1997; 20(1): 1-13) found that of those students who characterised their parents with positive words and indicated that they were caring and open, fewer than 30% were diagnosed with diseases in midlife.

The Good News
The good news is that through the adoption and practice of EQ emotional intelligence competencies, through good emotional self-awareness and emotional self-management techniques, (those things that we at Lambda Mi highlight, teach, highlight and support in our programs), has shown to produce positive results in helping improve the health of people with …

• Anxiety disorders
• Chronic fatigue
• Chronic pain
• Clinical depression
• Hypertension
• Arrhythmias
• Autoimmune disorders
• Fibromyalgia
• Post-traumatic stress

With the potential to realise such health benefits, it seems an easy decision to commit to the small amount of time it takes to apply the simple techniques on a regular basis.
To be more healthful, to lead a more stress free life, to realise better relationships, join us, contact us and adopt EQ emotional intelligence as proactive and positive elements in your life.

Michael Boase

CEO & EQ Consultant

Well, … as I sit here, breathing, thinking
I can appreciate and accept my situation
My life has been written on the fabric of time and within the folds of time
For there have been so many life journeys that I have undertaken
And yet so much more even, than in this singularity that we call life
Oh yes, I do know that my souls existence is infinite, eternal and
Stretches back through light and time and dimensions

I am the result of millions of choices
Of so many countless decisions taken along life’s path
And I know that in this ‘now’, I am okay, I am good
I have at times been very, very good
But I also know and accept that I have been bad
And oh yes, I further admit, that sometimes, I have been very, very bad
But now accept that collectively they all form the result, which is ‘me’

When I sit watching thriller dramas on TV
I often recognise onscreen elements of who and what I am and even perhaps what I was
The words, actions, reactions and deeds that are shown and spoken
Each element a part of a composite, snatched from my inner being
The emotions, the words, the actions that are drawn from my personal memories
Of my experiences, of my heat, of cold, of love and of hate
All poured in to the mixing bowl that results in ‘me’

Relationships … family, friends, loved ones and yes, even those disliked or enemies
Each door entered during different phases throughout my life
Each one given the very all of who I am, who I was
The good, the bad and the ugly
Where each required of me, each taking the very essence of whom I was then
Each taking what ‘it’ needed, but hardly ever giving to me in return
Leaving me drained and oftentimes unfulfilled

My life and choices have taken me the world over
Where friendships were formed and memories stored
Such awesomeness imprinted upon my mind, my spirit and my soul
I am convinced ‘now’ that I am the richest human being in the Universe
But yet, now, within this moment, I am so bereft of material things, of valued things
My store of the gathered and collected wealth and items now diminished, vanished even
And so I am down, seemingly now, to the bare dry bones that clink, clunk and clack

In the past I have swept people off their feet
Discovered and showered them with what they wanted and needed
My life being drained of my light, of my energies, of my spark
Until … ultimately, all alone but still living, moving now, on my reserve tank which is so depleted
So all I can do is to seek some replenishment of ‘me’, of and in my wants and needs
Struggling for my own fulfillment yet in such a mindful way, a caring way, an unselfish way
To enable me to perhaps, yes just perhaps, for ‘me’ to flourish, again

I am and was never selfish
But I do now have concerns of and for ‘me’
Where and when will another sweep me off my feet
To be cared for, tended and provided with those things that I want and need
To enable how to reconcile myself in my life, in the ‘now’
To shine as before … as a beacon once more
To be filled to overflowing, enabling the ‘me’ to give once more

I’ve done a lot of stripping away of layers lately.  It’s been very liberating.  I’ve been peeling away layers of the ego ~ all the accumulated stuff we all gather every day ~ to find who I really am, my authentic self, the ‘real’ self at my core.

It wasn’t too long ago when I noticed how quickly my life could be transformed from an extreme high to an extreme low ~ how one moment could seem so perfect and wonderful, and then suddenly something would happen and it would all turn into a less appealing scene.

The story went something like this: “Life is sooo good.  Oh oh, no it’s not.  Yes, life is sooo good.  Oh oh, no it’s not …” This narrative is repetitiously replayed like a bad remix recording of a wonderful song.

I suppose I was never really fulfilled because I was always giving (with little being given back in return), of being dependent on something outside of me ~ the praise or encouragement I received that day, what the scale of my satisfaction said, how great my workout was, or the next scheduled holiday, etc, etc, etc.

I remember the first time I published a piece of my writing and I asked a friend:  “is it okay?”  Then I wondered over what kind of feedback it would get.  I was told by several people not to be too protective of my work as “to be perfect is too many people to please.  There will always be someone who doesn’t like something.”

These words resonated with me and peeled away one layer of my ego.  Slowly, more layers began to peel as I became aware that I’d already given my worth to other people

I was so blinded by my own protectiveness; the strength of my own defences dulled the criticism.

I now realise how quickly we can go from an extreme low back to an extreme high.

When we commit to finding contentment within ourselves ~ in being honest with ourselves and in finding the courage to explore, there is a certain peace and joy, a certain tranquillity and harmony that will follow.

When we know who we are, when we become and practice being mindful, when we have elevated our emotional intelligence and awareness, and stripped down to our true essence, we then connect with our higher purpose where we can find fulfilment on our unique journey.

But we are never immune to life’s challenges.

Our parents will still need our help, our significant other will still irritate us, our boss will still be cranky and overbearing, and change will always happen suddenly and unexpectedly.

But when we ground ourselves, inside of ourselves, the whole of our external world becomes less shaky.

When we operate with our heart (our essence), instead of our head (the ego), we can more easily navigate situations with grace and clarity.

Here are 3 ways to strip away the ego and start living authentically:

1. Do less, but be more.

“Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.” ~ Lao Tzu

In the book Conscious Living, the author, Gay Hendricks, asks the deathbed question: “What are the four or five top goals for your life?”  Or in other words, fast forward to the completion and conclusion of your life, when you might ask yourself, “What did I accomplish or experience that made my life a success?”

Answer this question for yourself right now.

Take a few minutes to jot down the five accomplishments that you feel would fulfil you and make you happy knowing that you accomplished them at the end of your life.

As you move through your busy days of just living, you can tuck away these five statements in the back of your mind and consciously decide if your movements, tasks, and job reflect the life you really want to live.

What are you doing by default instead of really honouring who you are authentically?

Do less of what does not serve you, and be more of who you are … by aligning your decisions to these (your) intentions.

2. Plan less, live more.

Most of the shadows of life are caused by standing in our own sunshine. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

There’s a scene in a romantic comedy where the man asks the control-freak woman, “Do you really just plan to plan?

When I watched this scene, I recall answering the question to myself: “Yes. So? What’s wrong with that?

I’d been caught. I was guilty of this too.  I have many times planned for my plans.

I thought that if I could devise a road map of my life ~ married by 25, kids by 27 (this has come and gone), millionaire by 30~ that life would be receptive.  Instead, I found myself arm-wrestling with situations to fit them in my little box.

This was a symptom of fear.

I imagine all of us have shifted our fear to something outside of us.  We grasp at our plans for happiness for tomorrow, to relieve the fears we choose not to address.

The more we shift our fears by clinging onto something outside of us, instead of looking inside to acknowledge and dissolve it, the more we will stand in our own way.

Life is transient, there’s only so much we can plan for; but there is much more happiness to be experienced when we learn to just live in the flow.

Fearing less means letting go, of flowing more, and truly experiencing life in all of its wholeness.

3. Dwell less, create more.

“Begin at once to live and count each day as a separate life.” ~ Seneca

The past and future are overrated.  This ‘present’ moment is what really rocks the world.

Learn to continually let go of what you cannot control; stop telling your stories of the past or trying to peer so much into the future.

Redirect all that energy to this ‘present’ moment and what you can create that is beautiful today.

Strip away the past and the future and find yourself in the present.

Inside your presence, and at your essence, there is a gift that is waiting for each of you: an abundance of creativity.

At your core, we are all deeply creative beings.  Self-expression is how we expand ~ so be you, express you, and create each moment authentically to you.

Dwell less on your stories that you keep telling yourself, and create a new beginning today.

As you choose how to expand today, remember to: do less, be more; fear less, live more; dwell less, create more.

Michael Boase

EQ Consultant

There’s all sorts of rhetoric about what good bosses should and shouldn’t do these days. I guess that’s a good thing. Unfortunately, most of it’s pretty basic, generic fluff that sort of blends together after a while.

Even worse, a lot of it’s, well, utopian. It panders to what employees want to hear instead of giving truly practical and insightful advice on what makes a manager effective in the real world where business is everything and everything’s on the line.

This list is different. It’s different because, to derive it, I went back in time to the best characteristics of the best CEOs (primarily) I’ve worked for and with over the past 30 years. It’s based entirely on my own experience with executives who made a real difference at extraordinary companies.

Some were big, some were small, but all were successful in their respective markets, primarily because of the attributes of these CEOs. Each anecdote taught me a critical lesson that advanced my career and helped me to be a better leader. Hope you get as much out of reading it as I did living it.

10 Things Great Managers Do

1. Maintain your cool and sense of humor, especially during a crisis. When our biggest customer – and I mean big – thought I leaked a front-page story to the press, I offered to resign to save the relationship. My boss, a great CEO, gave me this serious look, like he was thinking about it, and said, “You’re not getting off that easy.” Then he broke out into a big smile.
2. Tell subordinates when they’re shooting themselves in the foot. Sometimes I can be pretty intimidating and I’ve had CEOs who shied away from giving it to me straight when my emotions got the better of me. Not this one guy. We’d be in a heated meeting and he’d quietly take me aside and read me the riot act. He was so genuine about it that it always opened my eyes and helped me to achieve perspective.
3. Be the boss, but behave like a peer. I’ve worked with loads of CEOs who let their egos get the better of them. They act like they’re better than everyone else, are distant and emotionally detached, or flaunt their knowledge and power. That kind of behavior diminishes leaders, makes them seem small, and keeps them from really connecting with people. They’re not always the most successful, but the most admired CEOs I know are genuinely humble.
4. Let your guard down and really be yourself outside of work. You know, teambuilding is so overrated. All you really need to do outside of work to build a cohesive team is break some bread, have some drinks, relax, let your guard down, and be a regular human being. When you get to be really confident, you can be that way all the time. That’s the mark of a great leader.
5. Stand behind and make big bets on people you believe in. One CEO would constantly challenge you and your thinking to the point of being abusive. But once he trusted and believed in you, he put his full weight behind you 100 percent to help you succeed. He’d stand up for you even when he wasn’t sure what the heck you were up to. And he’d give you new functional responsibilities – something up-and-coming execs need to grow. Okay, he wasn’t perfect, but who is?
6. Complement your subordinate’s weaknesses. I often say it’s every employee’s job to complement her boss’s weaknesses. The only reason that’s even doable is because we’ve all only got one boss. But I actually had a CEO who did that with each and every one of his staff. For example, I’m more of a big picture strategy guy and he would really hold my feet to the fire by tracking my commitments. It felt like micromanaging at first, but I eventually realized it helped me to be a more effective and strengthened the entire management team.
7. Compliment your employee’s strengths. It takes a strong, confident leader to go out on a limb and tell an employee what they’re great at. Why? I don’t know, but I suspect it’s hard for alpha males that primarily inhabit executive offices. Anyway, it’s important because we can’t always see ourselves objectively. Twenty years ago a CEO identified how effectively I cut through a boatload of BS to reach unique solutions to tough problems. Today, that’s what I do for a living.
8. Teach the toughest, most painful lessons you’ve ever learned. As a young manager at Texas Instruments, I once asked my boss’s boss for advice about a promotion I didn’t get. He told me a candid story about the hardest lesson he’d ever learned, the reason he was stuck in his job. He made himself indispensible and didn’t groom his replacement. It was painful for him to share, but it opened my eyes and made a huge difference in my career.
9. Do the right thing. Just about everyone says it, but I’ve only known one CEO who both preached and practiced it to the point where it became a big part of the company culture. You’d walk the halls and hear people say it all the time. He meant two things by it. When he said it to you, it meant he trusted you to do just that. He also meant it regardless of status quo or consequences. He had extraordinary faith in that phrase. Now I do too.
10. Do what has to be done, no matter what. It’s a rare executive who jumps on a plane at a moment’s notice to close a deal or gives an impromptu presentation when a potential investor shows up unexpectedly. It’s even more rare when he does it without asking questions or hemming and hawing about it. He just does what has to be done. That kind of drive and focus on the business is relatively common with entrepreneurs in high-tech start-ups – but it shouldn’t be. It’s the mark of a great manager who will find success, that’s for sure.

Steve Tobak BNET Contributor

Steve Tobak is a consultant, writer, and former senior executive with more than 20 years of experience in the technology industry.

Visit his website at ~ http://www.invisor.net/